Remember There's Two Of You, Not One

Getting through the day to day life of being without your other half is one thing, but what about when there are huge obstacles facing you? Anything can happen. One can lose their job, finances can become tighter, your feelings towards each other might lessen to the point you’re reluctant to communicate daily and you might start even realising how shitty the distance truly is – not just because of the lack of physical contact.

Sometimes the distance can get in between two people in more ways than just mileage. And this is quite common. Sure, being in a relationship with someone you love is the most beautiful thing that has happened to you and believe me, it is. But, what about the times you've felt so low that you've both hit rock bottom and you can’t cope any more? What do you do then? The most common answer is obviously – you’d fight for each other right? But sometimes the line between fighting for each other and fighting with each other becomes fuzzy to the point you can’t even remember the last time you had a serious discussion without a fight.  My sister told me something that really stuck with me when Davy and I were going through a stressful patch during the last few weeks. Love isn't supposed to be easy. It’s meant to challenge you, provoke you, make you think about things differently -not just in your own point of view but theirs too-, and it’s meant to make you a better person when you overcome those challenges as a couple.

I’ve noticed in the last few weeks that sometimes I've been guilty of not looking at it in Davy’s perspective. I’ve been a little selfish in fact, this is my own evaluation and has nothing to do with anything that’s been said by anyone. I didn’t realise how much stress Davy had been under financially, and how badly he was coping until things blew up last week. For the first time ever, I felt I had been taking this wonderful man truly for granted. Through the last two years and ten months, he has been the one who has been the rock in this relationship. He’s dealt with all my trust issues, my anxieties, the moments where I’m thinking so unclear that it’s even impossible to understand what is going through my brain – and yet all this time he has been finding it hard to cope himself and without me even knowing it. I felt horrible for almost seemingly pushing him out of the picture. How could I be so selfish and careless to have let him deal with all of that alone?

I had to snap myself out of the ‘I really miss you, I wish we were together, when are you coming over again?’ thing I was constantly doing as subconsciously it was piling on the pressure for him to be able to afford to visit me. I know people always ask why haven’t I gone over to Holland yet if he’s been doing all the visiting? Short story for those who don’t know: my family’s finances are even worse in terms of affording to go over there, and I have issues with being around strangers and expecting them to cope with the problems I get with my stomach occasionally – and I’d find it unfair to dump that on a family – and I do feel bad/guilty/a disappointment that I haven’t. Nonetheless, I’ve been piling on the pressure without even realising it and it’s been even more so unfair on Davy than anything. He’s been working his arse off week in, week out trying to save up for our future, to close the distance sometime in the next year, all whilst still trying to pay his bills and to keep me as well as himself happy. How can anyone be expected to cope with that amount of pressure all by themselves? They can’t. And it’s even crueller to expect them to continue doing so.

I’ll admit there have been some petty arguments in the last few weeks to months. Arguments that probably shouldn’t have even existed because they had nothing to even do with the underlying issues we have had to go through. But since we had this big thing thrown into our faces we’ve come out the other side even stronger and even more determined to kick the distance in the face. I’ve realised that Davy has needed more emotional support than I probably have been giving him in the last few years, that the distance shouldn’t dictate our emotions like it so easily can. We have been long distance for our whole relationship, and we’re still here in one piece – and we will continue to be even long after the distance is closed. I’m learning to understand Davy better, to know when to drop things that have no importance or that shouldn’t have any importance. I’m also getting better at learning when to push him for an answer and when not to. To always make sure he is doing okay, to put even more of an effort in to make sure he has something to smile about – and most importantly: to make sure he knows he isn’t alone in dealing with the pressures that being in an LDR brings and that I understand how he feels – that he can count on me as much as I count on him. He’s been doing all of this for years, and I just haven’t realised until lately that I’ve been slacking. I’m going to do better. A whole lot better because I love him more than anything and I'm willing to do anything for him, as well as for us. Positive thinking is going to start outweighing the negativity and things are going to be equal again.  

The distance can really manipulate your thoughts; it’ll make you doubt yourself, doubt each other’s feelings and efforts, it will make you want to break down and cry multiple times a day, week and per month. Your mental and physical strength will be constantly tested to see if you can do it, to see if you have what it takes to defeat it. But remember, you’re going through this whole experience with another being. What you’re going through is what they are going through. Don’t be afraid to feel sad, to go along with your emotions, to open up, to laugh, to cry with each other. Be yourself, but most importantly don’t forget to be there for each other and not against each other.  There will be times when you’ll bicker over stupid things and there’ll be times you will be so terrified about the obstacles you’ll face but you can get through them. Both of you, because what you have is special and will be worth fighting for.  

 Images used are found from WeHeartIt. They belong to their respective owners.