Thursday 13 August 2015

The day you strolled in, my heart was stolen

About five years ago, Davy and I first met online. I was nearly eighteen, and he was about to turn seventeen. At first, we didn’t really speak. Davy did his thing, and I did mine. We don’t really like to speak about the website where we met as it ended up causing a ton of pain from getting cyber-bullied on it so for now, I’m just going to say it was a website where you could show people what game you’re playing. I don’t want to mention the website because just hearing the name of it brings back all the bullying (and the anger that bubbles up because of how horrible people can make you feel) so I’m just going to refer to it as just a ‘chat room’ if that’s okay with people. Now that’s out of the way. Davy would come into my chat room regularly, and he would listen to me as I went about whatever I was doing at the time. At first, he thought I was pretty reserved and abrasive because my twin sister also frequented the website and I became pretty protective of people who would make fun of her spelling because of her disabilities so some people thought of me as a bitch. I wasn’t. I’m just very protective and I have a tough exterior to people I don’t know or I feel like I can’t trust.

One day, I suggested whilst on microphone to the chat room, that Davy should get Skype. He wasn’t so keen on the idea, but somehow I managed to convince him to make one. I’m not sure how long it was before we started speaking but, if you really want to impress the man that will end up being the love of your life one day then I recommend you start off the conversation like this ;)

[6/29/2010 3:37:53 PM] Jane Emily: Davyy, I am bored.
[6/29/2010 3:38:18 PM] Davy: You're not alone :O

And the rest is history . . . Nah, I’m just kidding. We would type on Skype pretty much all day, every day when possible. Finding out each other’s likes and dislikes and gradually becoming closer and closer to each other. Within the first two weeks, the chemistry between us was crazy. We could and would talk about anything. He understood my love for football (this was during the WC2010), he didn’t mock me for liking cheesy Spanish pop (because he liked it too) and we would tease each other for the smallest, silliest things. His English wasn’t as good as it is now (although still better than most English natives I’ve known), but I never felt the need to correct him for it. Him being able to express himself in however he felt was right was a huge thing for me. I’m pretty obsessive with perfect spelling etc, but with Davy I let it slide because I just enjoyed talking to him about anything.  We really got each other to open up about stuff, simply just because we felt insanely comfortable typing. Usually, neither of us were the type to just open up - especially not to random people but it felt right. It was also the year I hadn’t been so well from having stomach problems and just being able to talk to Davy helped distract me from throwing up and feeling ill. Back then, our ideas of relationships weren’t great. Davy didn’t really believe in marriage (because of personal reasons that I won’t delve into to respect his privacy) and I just felt I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life. We never realised that one day, we would be engaged to each other five years down the line. Even with little hints (OKAY, huge hints*…) like this:

[7/9/2010 12:12:12 AM] Jane Emily: Hey..Hey Davy isn't it like nearly quarter past midnight there..shouldn't kiddies be in bed by now :O
[7/9/2010 12:12:17 AM] Jane Emily: :P

[7/9/2010 12:12:27 AM] Davy: Not when the kiddies have vacation :)
[7/9/2010 12:12:33 AM] Jane Emily: Darn it.
[7/9/2010 12:12:40 AM] Davy: And and! isnt it like.. a quarter past 11 there? :O
[7/9/2010 12:12:46 AM] Jane Emily: Oh fuck.
[7/9/2010 12:12:49 AM] Jane Emily: I expected that<__<
[7/9/2010 12:12:50 AM] Davy: heheh
[7/9/2010 12:12:59 AM] Jane Emily: Damn youu :O
[7/9/2010 12:13:08 AM] Davy: Love me? :O i know you do
[7/9/2010 12:13:15 AM] Jane Emily: Pfft you wish ;D
[7/9/2010 12:13:16 AM] Davy: (chuckle)
[7/9/2010 12:13:24 AM] Davy: I wish? true ..

*SERIOUSLY HOW DID WE NOT GET THAT WE LIKED EACH OTHER LIKE THIS? Haha. At the time, I wasn’t allowed on the internet past a certain time hence why he teased me for it haha.

But, before I get to the part where we realised we were meant to be together we allowed ourselves just to be friends. It was a little trickier than expected to be honest. Davy had some family stuff that caused him to randomly disappear in at the end of July going into August 2010, and I thought I had scared him off from being my friend. During that time, I tried to get on with my life as much as possible. I thought if Davy decided he didn’t like talking to me any more at the time, then I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t force him to come back and talk to me because Skype was the only way we communicated. I got into a ‘relationship’ with someone else in August, which turned out to be a huge mistake because really I was just trying to fill the void that Davy had left in my heart and I didn’t really have any feelings for the person and I really regretted getting into a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere when my heart was aching for Davy. I hadn’t realised that I was madly in love with Davy, until a year later (2011). In the months that Davy was gone, I racked my brain trying to figure out if I had said something wrong or upset him but thankfully, I hadn’t. My brain had grabbed the wrong end of the stick entirely, and it turns out Davy thought I was ignoring him because I was too scared to start up a conversation when he did come back in case he didn’t want to talk to me.

Back to being able to talk to each other, albeit a little awkward at first but that soon dispersed and we were back to being our old, comfortable selves around each other. I think that’s something I would definitely do differently. I would’ve reached out earlier after the ‘radio silence’ period. Not being able to talk to him drove me crazy, and looking back on it now. . . If that happened again, it would be unbearable.

Time flew past. We spoke regularly again. I was in my third year of college although I would have to drop out when my family was made homeless in June 2011, Davy was busy with work and college himself. The chemistry was still there and we became quite flirty with each other. But in a cute, best friend sort of way. As I’m writing this, I’m going through our old Skype conversation from back then to look for excerpts to put in this blog post and my stomach is going crazy from the butterflies. Even though we had been friends for more than a year, we still had never Skyped out loud. So I made it my mission to hear Davy. I was desperate to find out what that cute Dutch boy sounded like, instead of trying to imagine his voice . . . I wanted to experience it for myself.  This conversation below took place a few weeks before we officially became a couple, although I think we had already confessed our feelings to each other before that, but the Skype history never saved it *cries*

[9/29/2011 10:22:40 PM] Jane Emily: I’m preoccupied with being excited for a skype call
[9/29/2011 10:23:10 PM] Davy: Lol

[9/29/2011 10:23:45 PM] Davy: Someone special calling? 
[9/29/2011 10:23:51 PM] Jane Emily: Idk
[9/29/2011 10:23:53 PM] Jane Emily: am I special? 
[9/29/2011 10:24:06 PM] Davy: You're calling yourself?
[9/29/2011 10:24:11 PM] Jane Emily: nah
[9/29/2011 10:24:14 PM] Jane Emily: I’m calling Davy 
[9/29/2011 10:24:54 PM] Davy: What if this Davy person calls you first?
[9/29/2011 10:25:03 PM] Jane Emily: Thhhhhhhhhhhen
[9/29/2011 10:25:07 PM] Jane Emily: Yeahh someone special is calling 
[9/29/2011 10:25:08 PM] Jane Emily: cos its DAVY
[9/29/2011 10:25:20 PM] Jane Emily: Jane Emily fangirls 
[9/29/2011 10:27:08 PM] Davy: Lol xD

By then I had heard Davy’s beautiful voice. I don’t know how to describe it, but it could melt butter with how warm and deep it was. If I recall correctly, Davy never really spoke in English regularly out loud then so he was really shy about it because he thought his voice was dumb. It wasn’t, and he didn’t have a ‘foreign’ accent when he spoke. It was perfect. At least to me.

Thinking about how we’ve been a part of each other for such a long time now, I think the thing I would definitely change is I would’ve told Davy how I felt much, much sooner and tried to get us communicating far quicker from the time we couldn’t. He has always been there through the ups and downs, and always has been able to make me laugh and most of all, he has always been able to make me feel like I have someone to talk to about anything. Someone who will always be there for me, and to love me. I remember Davy telling me once, a few months ago, that he was going to stay single until he turned eighteen because he wanted to make sure that the feelings he had (still has woohoo) for me were real. I’m glad he did decide to stay single and decided to wait it out, but at the same time I wish I could've experienced being his far sooner. He has had such a positive effect on my life, I wouldn’t want anyone else to be with. And I’m seriously blessed that he is mine, as cheesy as it sounds.

My advice for those who are thinking about going into an LDR is to make sure you have a good basis as friends first. If Davy and I had never given ourself a strong foundation as friends, I don’t think we’d be able to get through a long distance relationship because to get through the emotional roller coaster you need someone who can support you as both a romantic partner and as a friend. Of course, we still had to learn a lot about each other and nearly four years in we are still in that learning process (as most relationships are) but I think to make sure that you’re on the same page, you need to have that level of friendship where you know you can just be yourself and that you can tell your other half how you feel about things. For me, not being able to express myself freely is a deal breaker. I would get insanely frustrated, and I know Davy would too, if we couldn’t be ourselves around each other. Being close friends, for me, also helps the trust side of things.

If you're also in an LDR yourself, how did you guys meet and what advice would you give to people wanting to explore a long distance relationship? Did it work out for you guys? Are you still trying to close the distance? If you're thinking about trying an LDR but are afraid to jump in, what's the thing that frightens you the most or is holding you back from going for it? We've love to hear your experiences and thoughts.

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