Last night was probably one of the most stressful and worrying nights I’ve ever experienced in our relationship.

Not because of a fight or plans going wrong but more because I was so worried about Davy. He had been feeling a bit under the weather these last few days. At first we didn’t think much of it because we assumed it was from him lifting boxes and just being generally busy at work. But then yesterday, Davy started coming down with other things. His throat was hurting, he couldn’t lift his left shoulder/arm without it hurting, he was starting to wheez and cough constantly. Then later that evening, he checked his temperature: 101.4 F / 38.6 C. This was just as we were saying goodnight because Davy had an appointment with his GP this morning at 8.30am.

When he told me it was 38.6c, he was like “oh it seems normal” which confused me, because I was sure that the average body temperature was at least a centigrade or two lower than that. So feeling confused and even more worried, I asked my parents if that temperature was considered normal. My parents knowing from experience of having six children (and at some point, we’ve all had high temperatures whether it’s from pneumonia or other illnesses) knew something was off. Dad told me that I HAD to wake Davy up to get him to cool his body temperature because it went from normal to just a sudden hot spike in a matter of an hour. So, I woke him up - as bad as I felt about it and I managed to get him to get some ice for his head and cool cloths for the rest of his body.

I felt horrible because I knew he needed sleep in order to wake up for his appointment in the morning but at the same time, making sure his body was cooler was hugely important too. It took about half an hour for his temperature to be in the 36-37c range without any ice or wet cloths on his body, which wasn’t too bad. But all night I couldn’t stop tossing and turning in bed. Now we are just waiting to hear back about his x-ray results.

Last night was a defining moment for me because it just made me appreciate him even more. It made me realise how badly and how much I really need him to be okay. How heartbreaking it is not being able to care for him, look after him and be by his side to help him recover from this. He’s had colds and flu’s in the past, don’t get me wrong, but nothing as worrying and scary as this.

It’s little moments like your other half being ill to the point that you’re scared of their condition worsening and feeling useless because you can’t physically prevent it that really make you see how deeply you feel inside about them. Of course, Davy knows I feel deeply about him, as do I know how deeply he feels about me. But when you’re faced with possibly your SO having to be admitted to hospital, it makes you want to give them even more TLC the next time you see them. It makes every little kiss, hug, glance and butterfly in your stomach even more special.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Defining Moment

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Every relationship has its own goals. Whether you’re in a long distance relationship or a close distance one, it’s important to have a goal or maybe an idea for your future hopes. A long term relationship isn’t worth having if neither of you are willing to put the effort or commitment into it.

So if you find yourself in a long distance relationship, there is a 95% chance that you’re in it for the long haul and it isn’t just something you’re experimenting with compared to close distance ones whereas people are more relaxed and just go with the flow. Many of us (I say many of us but I mean like all of us) who are actually in a long distance relationship want commitment and want something permanent out of it and that’s usually closing the distance and settling down into a life together. Davy and I are no different. We’ll be discussing our future plans and how we intend to go about them.

So where and how does a couple start thinking about their future together?

First of all, you need to make sure that you’re on the same page as a couple. Both of us discussed what we intended to get out of the relationship. We were both pretty young still, and uncertain with what we wanted to even do with our lives. But we knew that we wanted to be together and to make distance work - as tough as it would be. We had random conversations where small hints of our individual goals for the relationship were casually slipped out. Whether it was by Davy making cheeky comments regarding marriage and an idea of having all the big TV news stations at our wedding (thank goodness that idea could never come to fruition because we’d much rather a more intimate ceremony) just to show our love off to the world, or by me just bluntly asking him the direction our relationship was heading.

So, for today’s post we’re going to be discussing some monthly goals. It’s somewhat of a prompt started over at LDRBN, where you choose three goals for that month and then next month you see if you’ve completed them. Now, because I know this isn’t Davy’s kind of thing (add the fact that he is super busy working), these goals will be mainly my own personal ones or ones we’ve come up with as a couple. 

In the back of our minds, we promised to try post more often on here. And that’s what we have been able to achieve even when our creative tank has been running low, we’ve really stepped up our own personal bar and hit some blogging heights for ourselves. We’re roughly hitting between 800-1,000 views a month which is pretty amazing to be honest. The blog has grown so much since we started. Although we know our monthly views could be higher, there was a time when we only had 500 views for the first year or so. Now we’ve had 8,700! Crazy! Imagine what our views will look like by the end of the year!

1. Practising Conversational Dutch More (Together / Online)

For me, this is something I need to do. I’ve learnt a lot in the year and a half since my Dutch journey began. I’ve gone from a girl that cried at trying to pronounce ‘lachen’ for the first time, to someone who can just do it at ease. Pronunciation is the easy part for me, I can recognise vowel sounds with new words and hit them with the first time. My ‘ui’ is still awkward, but that’s to be expected. I’d also love to be able to hold a conversation without panicking, internally. I know I can string sentences together, but it’s a confidence issue as all language learners experience. Whether I practise conversations through typing or out loud, the most important thing is to practise. Personally I feel like I need to have conversations out loud to improve. 

As I am writing this, Davy is on his way back to The Netherlands. We have just had our eighth visit, but the first time we’ve ever been able to share my birthday as a physical couple. I’m so blessed to be able to say that I have had the opportunity to spend my birthday with such an amazing man and human being.

I’m guessing you are wondering all about it hmm? So why don’t I tell you?

Well, it started off a tiny bit dramatic. Davy’s journey for the most part had gone smooth. I expected it to be a little bit turbulent with the times, because as you all probably know about the problems at Calais and Dover with migrants. Surprisingly enough, getting through border control etc went perfectly smooth. It was the last leg of the journey to me that was the frustrating part. Because his coach came in just a few minutes later than expected, Davy had to make a dash to the train station to catch his train to my town. This meant by the time he got to the station, the train he usually gets had just left the platform. Literally. So by the time he arrived in St Austell, it was 5.30pm, instead of 4.10pm - but the most important thing of all was being able to finally hold each other again!

When we got indoors, the usual post picking Davy up from the station routine began! We gave each other as many kisses and cuddles that we could fit in before he went into the shower to freshen up after travelling for nearly 24hrs straight. Then we had pie and mash (with liquor - not alcoholic…it’s a typical British thing, also known as green gravy or as I like to call it bogey gravy because it looks like bogeys haha) for dinner before curling up in each other’s arms for the rest of the evening. We headed to bed slightly earlier than usual as Davy was knackered and we had a 8-9wk old Bengal kitten to pick up in Devon the next day!

No matter who you are, where you’re from and what you did - you’re bound to have differences (check that reference out bwahaha). Davy and I are fortunate enough to come from the same continent; Europe. He speaks fluent English even though it’s not his native language. But even when we have little cultural differences between us, there have been some that have had us both going ‘what?’ to each other. Thankfully, there haven’t been too many culture shocks so far in our relationship. But I’m bound to come across some when I eventually visit the Netherlands. I’m thinking about maybe around our 5th year anniversary in Oct 2016 as the financial situation might be better and it’s an entire year from now (but it’s not set in stone). I know it’s been a long time coming but a lot of personal stuff has happened that has always prevented me from going so, it’s tricky. Not to mention, the only airport we have in Cornwall (Newquay) is finally expanding their horizons and teaming up with Emirates in conjunction with Flybe to link to 84 countries! So who knows what the future holds? :)

Anyway, back to the cultural differences between us. I’m going to list some things that I think separates us somewhat marginally by culture.

THEIR BLUNTNESS 

The Dutch are very blunt and straight to the point. Whereas us Brits try to avoid conflict and we’d rather go silent and be awkward, the Dutch can just blurt things out without really thinking how the other one might feel. There have been some awkward moments in our relationship when this has happened. Since being with Davy, I have noticed that I am a bit more blunt these days. Before, I used to just run away and hide and keep my evil thoughts to myself but now I’ll easily just tell someone if they’re pissing me off without batting an eyelid. Still, whenever we go out and people bump into me I can’t help but revert to my typical British being and apologise for it haha.

About five years ago, Davy and I first met online. I was nearly eighteen, and he was about to turn seventeen. At first, we didn’t really speak. Davy did his thing, and I did mine. We don’t really like to speak about the website where we met as it ended up causing a ton of pain from getting cyber-bullied on it so for now, I’m just going to say it was a website where you could show people what game you’re playing. I don’t want to mention the website because just hearing the name of it brings back all the bullying (and the anger that bubbles up because of how horrible people can make you feel) so I’m just going to refer to it as just a ‘chat room’ if that’s okay with people. Now that’s out of the way. Davy would come into my chat room regularly, and he would listen to me as I went about whatever I was doing at the time. At first, he thought I was pretty reserved and abrasive because my twin sister also frequented the website and I became pretty protective of people who would make fun of her spelling because of her disabilities so some people thought of me as a bitch. I wasn’t. I’m just very protective and I have a tough exterior to people I don’t know or I feel like I can’t trust.

One day, I suggested whilst on microphone to the chat room, that Davy should get Skype. He wasn’t so keen on the idea, but somehow I managed to convince him to make one. I’m not sure how long it was before we started speaking but, if you really want to impress the man that will end up being the love of your life one day then I recommend you start off the conversation like this ;)

[6/29/2010 3:37:53 PM] Jane Emily: Davyy, I am bored.

[6/29/2010 3:38:18 PM] Davy: You're not alone :O

I can remember our first ever visit.  In fact I can remember all of our visits. The gruesome time having to wait see each other, the long travel, and the added stress from everything going well.

I wouldn´t say it´s my favourite memory, but I remember when I first came over back in 2012. It’s also quite funny. I travelled via MegaBus from Amsterdam to Plymouth with a layover in London. I had to wait 4 hours to get on the bus to Plymouth. From 6 something PM to 10.30 PM I think it was. That was already horrible. Before even reaching London, I had to go on a boat of any kind for the first time in my life, queue nausea. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any sort of medication or what not to fight it, so I just had to wait until the terror was over.

But if those two things weren’t bad enough, it got worse! In those days I had a really horrible, low battery mobile phone. So before I even reached Plymouth, my phone was already nearly dead! I arrive in Plymouth, no clue where to go. I asked people including city coach drivers how to get to the train station but they were clueless! How is that even possible? You’d reckon that a coach driver knows how to get to places right? They drive coaches for a living! Through the city!

Happiness should and will always be a key aspect in a relationship. It’s what makes you feel like your relationship is worth going the extra mile for (pun intended), that your other half is the one you know is made for you, and it’s definitely an important thing to remember when you’ve had some ups and downs alongside the distance.

For us, we know that we make each other happy. We don’t need anyone to approve of our relationship or to approve of the person we’re with because they don’t know us a couple. They don’t see or hear the little giggles, the promises to tickle each other when they’re being cheeky or just being able to gaze into each other’s eyes whether it’s on Skype or in person. We don’t need materialistic things to be happy, sure it’s nice (especially when you want to show your appreciation with a physical object) but it’s not necessary. At least for us. Happiness is, for us, the little moments, the moments when we can just laugh our heads off without having a reason to other than being completely random, for knowing that you’ve finally found your soul mate. It doesn’t matter what has gone on, if there’s been a disagreement or a slight bit of tension, as long as you have those crying-with-laughter moments afterwards that help you move forward from the not-so-great moments.

Today Davy and I will be discussing the moment when we felt truly loved in our relationship. Of course, we have both always felt loved by each other throughout the last (almost) four years but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have particular memories of a moment when we felt overwhelmed (in a good way) about the love that has been displayed to us by our partner. Neither of us are very material people so we don’t need gifts to feel completely loved by our other half so this one we really, really thought thoroughly about before publishing this post.

If you are confused about the premise of the post, basically it is a prompt from ldrblogs (a network for long distance relationship bloggers) where each of you have to write down a moment where you felt truly loved by the other. Both of you can write about anything, as long as it’s to do with the actual prompt. Neither of you are allowed to see each other’s answer for the prompt until both of you have written down your *moment* and then afterwards, you share your reaction to each other’s responses. It’s a great way to make a post interactive especially when you run a blog together.

A long distance relationship isn’t the most ideal scenario for someone who suffers with anxiety or gets easily worked up and/or worried by the smallest things. I’ve had a lot of experience with this in the last three and a half years. Being a person that has had to deal with bullies throughout most of her life, I found it difficult to understand that I would ever be able to find someone who would love me for me. Especially since the target for a bully is to make you feel worthless. The bullies from primary and secondary school succeeded with that and to this day I still find it incomprehensible that I have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally and who doesn’t care what other people think of me because he feels differently and more positive about me than I have felt about myself.

One of my biggest fears is (or used to be quite often) that I’m not the amazing person Davy thinks I am. That this so-called “amazing Jane” of his is just the surface and that there is something much, much worse deep inside. In the three or so years we’ve been a couple, he has seen many sides to me. He has seen the goofy side of me, the passionate (and prepared to do anything for the love of my life) one, the insecure and worried about everything working out side, the book nerd, the stubborn side and the I’m not taking any bullshit side. And yet I still get terrified that one day he will be fed up of my constant mood switches and want to be with someone else. I even ask him “what if you decide you would rather have someone who doesn’t get anxious as easily?” and he ALWAYS, and I mean literally ALWAYS reassures me that there is no one else he’d rather be with no matter the distance between us or what has been said or done, that at the end of the day he would choose me every single time. And I am so grateful to have him as mine, and to be his.

Allow me to say first of all that we’re not a very musical couple. I mean, the only instruments Davy and I probably are able to play is the triangle and that’s just about how far our musical talents go. But listening to music has always been a large part of our relationship and before that, our friendship. When we first started speaking, it wasn’t at all difficult to figure out each other’s taste and as most couples discovered, we had pretty similar music tastes - although to everyone else out there our choices may seem a bit questionable! Ah well, as long as we enjoy listening to them that’s all that matters. Our choices are varied, I think. Although, being the Backstreet Boy fan at heart that I am….I had to make sure they crept in somewhere (even though the two songs selected are Davy’s favourites so ha!).

Anyway, shall we get down to the list. They will be listed in no particular order, and at the end of the post I will embed a playlist via Spotify so you can listen to the songs with ease! Please, don’t judge our choices hehe. These are the top ten songs we’ve always had some kind of meaning throughout our entire relationship and have helped us get through the good, bad and ugly times with the distance! We hope you enjoy our choices!

Many years ago, before I met Davy or even knew what a long distance relationship was, one of my sister’s moved out of our family home and approximately 350 miles away. I never realised it at the time, and still didn’t realise it until I got into my own long distance relationship that LDRs can also go far beyond just the romantic type of relationships. I was still pretty young (just fifteen) and naive when my sister left home with her partner to Ipswich. I was really upset because we’ve always - and still are - been super close and she has always been a part of my support unit. If anything has been troubling me, even from a young age, she would be the one person I go to.

Even as I am nearing my 23rd birthday in August and she is nearing her 28th, we have always kept that bond between us. As I’ve grown up and learnt things, she’s always helped me understand various perspectives of it. She’s made me laugh when I’ve wanted to cry. She’s been there when me and Davy have had our rough patches and in return, we’ve helped each other through emotionally tough times. We’ve kept each other company on Skype whilst her partner has been working, and she has kept me company when Davy has been at work too. We’ve really helped each other through our anxious moments. When I’ve been on Skype worrying, fidgeting and almost to the point of panicking - she’s been there to rationalise the situation when I haven’t been able to talk to Davy.